i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
this hospital has no fireball
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
