1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the raccoons are back...
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