if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
