my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
