You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
