You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
