Taylor Swift is so right about you.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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