i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize