Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
