cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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