This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
