Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
wow bdsm is so cute
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
