wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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