can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When are your genitals available?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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