yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Where is the hickey?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
