There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
