Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
