Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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