Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she looked like the before picture.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
