Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
