Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
