my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
