Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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