and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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