Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
