Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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