She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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