sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish you could order shots online.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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