peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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