Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
