Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
