I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
