I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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