You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
