My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Less talking, more tequila
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
