I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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