hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Actions speak louder than pants.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
