i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
