I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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