in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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