I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
