Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You are the jesus of drinking
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
