You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
