I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
