she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
