Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
