eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
