let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
