i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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