porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
