i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
