Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
