I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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