life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
