Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
