i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
