Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
