If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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