Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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