I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
