just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
