I can tuck mytits in my pants
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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