WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
