when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
