So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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