I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Rumble strips road head = magical
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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