In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
