I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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